I keep replaying some of the things you said during arguments the last 7 months. I know I should’ve offered a rebuttal right then and there, but you always did accuse of me interrupting you when speaking. Pardon me for attempting to defend myself as you ripped into me. Though I know as time passed, you didn’t think I had a heart inside of me. You were always so stubborn. After numerous times of bashing heads, I decided I loved you more than I loved the upper hand. So I was quiet. I know now that it was no way to show you that I cared. If anything, it just made me seem like an even bigger asshole, but you were so goddamn frustrating. I should’ve fought with you in the car. I should’ve fought with you on the couch. I should’ve fought with you in the corner of the bar. Instead of being quiet, instead of nodding, instead of looking away, instead of walking away. I should’ve fought for you. The things you said still bother me. Even moreso now because I never disputed them.

“You only care about your music.”
That’s not true. And any way, you inspire most of my music.

“You smoke too much.”
I guess it’s only okay when we smoke a bowl together and watch Trailer Park Boys.

“I will never trust you again. Why should I?”
I guess I can’t dispute that, I just wish you would.

“My friends said they saw you out with some girl the other night.”
Your friends should know the city is full of people, girls included. I probably was. I can assure you she wasn’t hanging all over me the way you were with that idiot.

Speaking of your friends, I know their alliance is with you but I would appreciate it if they didn’t give me that “you’re a piece of shit” look whenever I have the pleasure of seeing them out. I’m actually quite scared of that blonde one. It’s bad enough to piss one girl off, imagine being glared at by five of her best friends. I feel like a gazelle in lion territory. They’re waiting to pounce. Granted, I’d prefer being maliciously attacked and torn to shreds by hungry lions than see those guys draped over you every weekend. A simple solution would be to stop going to the same three bars I know you’re likely to occupy, but if that’s as close as I can be to you, then I’ll do it.  Besides, I like that look you get when our eyes accidentally meet. Your initial look is terrified, but once you get over the shock of me being there, it quickly changes to anger or disgust. It’s actually kind of cute when you send your friends to the bar to get your drink so you don’t have to risk being next to me - and you think I don’t notice. I notice. I also think it’s cute when you’re so shocked I’m there. I’m always there. And I’m sure you spend too long making sure you look as good as you always do, just to make sure I feel like an idiot for messing it up with someone as gorgeous as you. I think it’s cute you use the buddy system when you go to the bathroom to check your make-up, just so there won’t be an opportunity to approach you when you’re alone. You’re smart. I know you dance to Petty songs just to do your best to show me how much fun you’re having. I know you ask your friends if I’m looking at you, because they immediately look at me when you’re speaking to them.  I am looking at you, usually. Sometimes I do get up and play songs just to remind you of my voice. Sometimes I do stay after last call to make sure you get a safe way home.

I haven’t seen you out since the 23rd. We haven’t spoken in person in too long. I’m glad when I receive a drunk text message from you, even if they’re just you trying to convince me how much you hate me. I don’t respond because I know you’d feel embarrassed for letting your guard down and texting me. I wouldn’t want to ruin the whole facade you have going on.